Hey there, i haven't posted for awhile now but i don't know what else to do.
i used to cut, i haven't now for 4 months, mostly because I've been happy. For the first time in my life i have been truly happy. See i started talking to my old 10th grade crush and things have been absolutely great, i love him with all my heart and he loves me too, were engaged now and everything. But now hes joining the marines and im so lost. hell have to leave for 3 months to go through boot camp, then right after that gone for weapons training. i understand his reasoning and its what hes always wanted to do so i feel terrible for being sad, but its going to be so hard with out him. ill wait for him but in the meantime im worried that when he does leave im going to start cutting again.

well i guess its about time for one of these.
im sitting in my newww room in my newwww apartment in eastchester. it was a TOUGH 3 months with no where to call home. i think saying goodbye to my house that day was hands down the hardest thing i've ever had to do. i never cried so hard the whole way to school, knowing that with leaving that house for the last time i would also be leaving behind my whole old life. it was difficult. the past 3 months i did alot of crying. alot of trying to hold it all in. alot of putting it out of my head and trying not to complain or torture myself and think about it, that my family was split up and my whole foundation of life had been ripped from underneath me. but, as hard as it was, i dont think think there is a time that i would have rathered it happen, if it had to eventually. because i was so caught up in adjusting to college and having fun with my new friends and life that it only really got me down when it let me. because most of the time i was really excited about just being exactly where i was. there was nothing left for me there, it was time to start over. and all of the time i spent thinking that it wasnt going to work out, that my mom wasnt going to pull through for me, but she did. and it worked out. and today, on thanksgiving, i am thankful for that. for having a home and a new place to live with her. for having everything i do. for god working in mysterious ways. for giving me the most AMAZING room mates i could ever ask for and the best college experience i could have dreamed of so far. im thankful for my brother and his happiness with his new apartment and of course my dad, my whole family in general who are the absolute most amazing people ever and i am so lucky. i am thankful for my crestwood friends, who after all of this damn timeee drifting apart, we FINALLY came back around and got things back together even though i wasnt sure they ever would get back here. its not where we once were like freshmen year, but its a step in the right direction. today i actually hung out with joey matt and anthony. and even though we dont know whats happened to bri, and we have a clue whats happened to ariel, we arent ever going to stop trying to get them back with us but we are as close as we could possibly right now to what we were. its amazingggg. i love them. they are my family. im thankful for my awesome navy boy, e ven though he does certain things that break my heart some times, he really is an incredible person and i really dont know how i got him or why he loves me. im thankful for brian who after all the bullshit ive put him through still loves me more than anything, hes still my rock and continues to pick me up when im down. im really convinced i could do anything to that boy and he would still buy me dinner and tuck me into his big comfy bed and kiss my forehead. as much as it is over, atleast for me, there is something totally comforting about him that i know im just going to keep going back to.
college is great. i miss it while im here at home. i miss the company all the time, always having someone to talk to, to go smoke with, to cuddle with, to go get food with, to watch your fave shows with, to chase after boys with, to go to random strangers houses with and cook all the food in their cabinets and go in their jacuzzis and watch recess with, to do home work with, to help you study, make you go to class, take naps with, make you laugh, listen to you complain, spend all your money you've saved up forever with, order dominoes or chinese at 2 am on school nights with, help you make snowflakes :], to go out and party with, to stay in with you when youre sick or the weathers crappy, anything i need theres always someone right there. i love those girls. oh, and all my boys too ;]
but boys dont matterrrr (except one). pimping IS easy. cuz girls dont like boys GIRLS LIKE CARS AND MONEY. dont ever forget. hehe.

Tweaks and enhancements

1. In order to improve site security, we've temporarily suspended the ability to change passwords for old email addresses that haven't been used for over six months. For further information and support, please visit our customer care page.
2. We've launched a new mobile site with an enhanced UI at m.livejournal.com. View spotlights, post to your journal, read and post to friends pages, and more, no matter where you roam! Please let us know what you think, since this will eventually replace our existing mobile interface. You can update your mobile preferences on your account page.
3. We've upgraded from Beacon to Facebook Connect to improve dual posting. If you've already signed up for Facebook Beacon, you're good to go. If you wish to update your Facebook Connect setting, visit Account Privacy settings and scroll down to the option labeled: "Send information about my updates to Facebook." You can choose Always or Ask each time. Remember to save (on the bottom left corner of the page). To learn more, check out FAQ 249. While we're on the subject, if you happen to be visiting that side of town, please join our Facebook fan page for a touch of home away from home.
4. You'll now receive the Writer's Block Question of the Day in the body of email notifications. To sign up for Writer's Block notifications, visit writersblock and choose the Watch Community option. Next, update your Writer's Block notification settings by checking the box to the right of "Someone posts a new entry to writersblock."
5. Paid and permanent users can now view, add, and edit Notes of commenters. Notes will appear beside the username of comment posters (instead of stars) on S1-themed comment pages.

Send some lovin' thanks to your friends with our holiday vgifts!

Photos of the week

We're so delighted with the immense talent of our growing, global lj_photophile community that we've decided to introduce a poll. Each week, we'll choose a half-dozen photos (based on user comments and staff feedback) and ask you to select a photo of the week. The winning photo will be announced in the next newsletter. If possible, please limit photo size to 350x350 to ensure that images display properly on friends pages. We want to thank you again (and again!) for sharing your passion.

Check out this week's photo poll and more fantastic user content after the jump!

( Read more... )

Curtains

Thanks for joining us. To our American friends, have a fantastic Thanksgiving. To all of our international neighbors, we'll eat a little extra for you!

Nikon D700
Sigma 50mm f1.4 EX DG HSM
ISO 200
F3.5, 1/640 second

New Moon blood drive? This must be some kind of sick joke.

Nikon D700
Nikkor 70-200mm f2.8G VR
ISO 560
F2.8, 1/320 second

I took Rachel's senior pictures at Interlochen last year, and we both really liked how they turned out. To say that she's photogenic is a bit of an understatment.

When I realized she was going to school at Columbia, I asked if we could meet up and take some portraits during one of my weekend trips to Chicago. I'm thrilled with the results.

( more )

So.... I'm a junior in college and I've been dating this guy for about three weeks. I've known him for a long time- we're members of the same dance team, and before we started dating we were close friends and then we were hooking up exclusively for quite a while. Over the summer we spent a lot of time hanging out alone and I went to his house a lot and chilled with his family. The point being- I've known him in multiple ways for a lot longer than three weeks.

He is my first official boyfriend, and so I don't really know how all this relationship stuff works. I tend to be a really private person about most things, and also very passive in most of my friendships and relationships. I give in easily. Despite all of that, I'd say things have been going pretty well. I like him a lot, and he's very attentive. We see each other quite a bit, but I'd imagine that's pretty normal for new couples in college. He has a player reputation and so often I've felt insecure about other girls, but he always encourages me to talk to him if I feel uncomfortable about anything. Overall he's a really, really nice guy and for right now, I'm enjoying myself.

But. Now the issue.

We're from the same area (he lives about 45 minutes from me by car) and so we decided we'd drive home together for Thanksgiving break. I told my mom about a week ago that we were dating, and that we'd be driving home together, and she was excited. She told me she really would like to meet him and asked me to ask him if he'd mind coming over or lunch or something at some point during the break. I was nervous about it at first, introducing him to my family because I feel like that's quite a private part of my life and I really don't like to share it with people- I love my family dearly and I'm really protective of the person I am when I'm with them. But it seemed really important to my mom, so I asked him.

He said yes, of course, he was excited.

So we drove home and, even though it's out of the way, I dropped him off first because he wasn't sure his parents would be able to pick him up from my house (probably for the better, I really don't want our families meeting or anything, that's too intense). I came inside, hung out with his mom and sister for a bit, ate dinner with them, and left. When I was leaving, I asked him when he'd want to come over, and he said, "I don't know... it's really far."

I said, "Please? My mom really wants you to."

He said. "We'll see. Anyway I'll see you Sunday." (To drive back.)

I don't know, I got kind of upset about this. I know his house is far, but I felt kind of lame because I'd driven out to his house so many times and hung out with his family a lot and it felt like he was saying he didn't want to drive out to my place ONCE just to MEET the people that are so important to me. Not to mention I had told him just how excited my mom was about it, and when something is important to my family, it automatically becomes important to me.

Also, after considering it, I just became kind of excited about it myself. I think I really wanted him to get to know them.

Should I tell him how I feel, and ask him to come out again? I don't know. I don't want him to feel like he's obligated to do anything, because I don't want him to come and visit because he's obligated. I want him to want to visit. Part of me feels like I should say something, because he probably just doesn't know that it's this important to me. But part of me also doesn't want to be the kind of girl that's always whining about how he's not doing something right, and I don't want to pressure him to do things he doesn't want to do. Like, from my perspective, he should want to meet my family the same way I wanted to meet his- to find out what makes me who I am. But maybe he's just not as serious as wanting to meet my family, and maybe I should just be okay with that.

:/ I hate being new to relationships. Any advice would be appreciated.

Nikon D700
Sigma 50mm f1.4 EX DG HSM
ISO 1250
F2.5, 1/50 second

Alex made this gigantic pan of ultimate nachos for dinner.

Nikon D700
Sigma 50mm f1.4 EX DG HSM
ISO 1800
F1.8, 1/50 second

Justin's the carpentry crew head for Noises Off, as well as an aspiring photographer. I'm trying to talk him into getting the Nikkor 35mm f1.8 for his D60.

65redroses
Eva is a vibrant young woman with Cystic Fibrosis who survived a double lung transplant. Read about her difficult recovery and personal triumphs over pain, isolation, and fear. Back in school, Eva now works part-time in a children's center and enjoys running and cross-country skiing. A documentary on her story, entitled 65 Red Roses, won three awards at the Vancouver International Film Festival.

meet_other_moms
A warm and welcoming "Add me" community for moms of all ages and backgrounds from around the world. If you're a mom, just post a little about yourself and start connecting with other mothers based on similar hobbies, musical interests, book/TV/movie preferences, or taste in humor! A great way for busy moms to socialize online.

kitchenfaq
Want to share a fabulous home recipe for coconut bread? Suddenly run out of confectioner's sugar with company on the way and need to find out a quick in-house substitute? Searching for tips on what to charge for a custom-designed wedding cake? Whether you're a professional chef, an aspiring culinary wizard, or a happy home-baker, you'll get delicious guidance from fellow and sister foodies.

I think this is a legit time to say

FUCK MY LIFE

Currently, the biggest politics and plotting of Bigg Boss 3 came in light. Rohit, Bindu and Raju showed another face. They were very innocent and loving for the house members but Bigg Boss shows their real face to everyone.

Bakhtiyar shows his great anger towards everyone. He still accepts that he has been cheated. Tanaz is already out from the house of Bigg Boss 3. Bigg Boss also punishes Rohit, Bindu and Raju for their politics against the house members.

Entrance of Kamal Khan has introduced other difficulties for the house members. He had been eliminated from the Show for his violent behavior with Rohit. He has gotten a wild card entry in the House of Bigg Boss Season 3.

No house member is happy by the decision of Bigg Boss. I was also surprised to know the entrance of Kamal in the Show. This is nothing but a practice of maximize the audiences for this Show.

Vinod Kambli, Vindu Dara Singh, Rohit and Aditi Govitrikar had been nominated by the house members. Vinod Kambli leaves the House of Bigg Boss Season 3 by Desh Ka Aadesh. This week Desh Ka Adesh was for Vinod Kambli.

Vinod Kambli said Desh Ka Aakhri Salam today with Big B. He introduces himself on this occasion. On the Desh Ka Aakhri Salam, Vinod Kambli’s wife Andriya had also participated with Big B. Today, Vinod Kambli shows his wish. He wants to play IPL with Sachin Tendulkar once again.

Big B, Amitabh Bachchan talked about the fate of Vinod Kambli also. Journey of Vinod Kambli in the house of Bigg Boss 3 was really very polite but this Friday Desh Ka Aadesh was for him.

No one had thought that Desh Ka Aadesh will be for Vinod Kambli but he faces. In the house of Bigg Boss Season 3, Kamal and Vindu are still thinking to create trouble for others.

naturesbeauty
Always on the lookout for compelling images, we were delighted to discover this flourishing community of artists who share a love of nature. Honoring the subject with photographs, paintings, sketches, prose, poetry, and
other creative works, you'll be simultaneously riveted to your monitor and inspired to run helter skelter towards the nearest wooded dale.

Nikon D700
Sigma 50mm f1.4 EX DG HSM
ISO 6400
F1.8, 1/20 second

Hanging with Paul after a long tech call.

Nikon D700
Sigma 24-70mm f2.8 EX DG HSM
ISO 1250
F4, 1/50 second

Back to work. The show opens in three weeks.

Nikon D700
Sigma 50mm f1.4 EX DG HSM
ISO 560
F1.8, 1/60 second

Hanging at Meli Cafe with Josh.

( more )